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Reframing Goals: Turning Anxiety into Authentic Action

Writer's picture: Michelle DrayMichelle Dray

January 22, 2025


As we begin a new year, I am once again captivated by two things; the first, landing on a word of the year (mine is ‘equanimity’, what is yours?), the second is goal setting.


And while I enjoy setting goals, I appreciate that not everyone feels this way. Indeed, goal setting can be a paralyzing activity for some evidenced by several past cohort participants of my eleven-week GULF Getting Unstuck & Leading Fearlessly® program expressing high levels of anxiety and fear during discussions on this topic. 




Where does the anxiety and fear with goal setting come from and how can we work with it? 


Let’s start with exploring how the anxiety and fear manifests.


The very idea of setting a goal implies there is something to be achieved and taking this a few steps forward, implies an action or actions will need to be taken toward achieving the goal. This mindset brings up two concepts creating internal uncomfortableness that most of us, consciously or unconsciously, would prefer to avoid. 


The first is the accountability factor. Think about it. By setting goals we are purposefully positioning and committing ourselves to have to do more - and the year has just started! Then there’s the judgement that follows, self or other focused, if the goals are not met. 


The second is what I refer to in the GULF Getting Unstuck & Leading Fearlessly® program as Internal Guiding Principles, the stories and beliefs conjured over the course of our lives that instill emotion based on the past. In this case, our minds and bodies have been conditioned to react to goal setting with fear and anxiety instilled from a remembering of shame or other emotion that had initially enveloped us when a goal was not met. We view ourselves as failures and formulate beliefs that eventually morph into an identify of ‘I am a failure’ or similar unhealthy identity. 


Let me clearly state, you are not alone. Before moving on, take a moment to remind yourself of this. Treat yourself with kindness and grace in a way that works for you. 


Next, let’s explore how we can work with and through the anxiety and fear associated with goal setting. 


Following are approaches I offer in working with goal setting. You can try implementing one or all of these.


1) A very simple way of working with goal setting is to rename it. Remember our minds and bodies have been conditioned to react to the specific words ‘goal setting’ so let's do a reset.


Practice: What word(s) or phrase comes to mind as a replacement to goal setting? Or maybe a picture or set of pictures feels more appropriate. Perhaps a vision board? Play around with this and see where you land.


2) A second approach involves movement toward a growth mindset. In Mindset: The New Psychology of Success – How We Can Learn to Fulfill Our Potential by Carol S. Dweck, PhD, Dweck states, “The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset.” 


If we apply this to goal setting, we can see how purposefully shifting our mindset away from viewing failure with not meeting a goal to one where learning and growth are the end result, can really benefit us. 


Practice: Think of a time when you didn’t meet a goal. What did you learn? How have you applied this to another part of life? How can you apply this learning as you create new goals for the year?


3) A third approach stems directly from the founding principle upon which my program is built - mindfulness practice - and the concept of attachment.


In mindfulness practice, suffering known more formally as Dukkha, is created unnecessarily. In the case of goal setting, suffering arises when we become attached to the outcome and lose sight of the journey taken toward it. Instead of focusing on the outcome, enjoy the moment to moment lived experience of the journey. By breaking the attachment to an expected result, we reduce the suffering placed upon us when a goal is not met while also quieting the voice of the inner critic berating us while on the journey and in anticipation of failure, for something that has not even yet transpired. 


Practice: One of the ways to enjoy the moment to moment lived experience is to celebrate the small wins along the way and as part of the journey. How will you celebrate  the small wins? How will you celebrate learnings gained from not meeting a goal?

I wish you the best with creating your word of the year and goals for 2025! 

Please share your word of the year here and any specific goals you would like to publicly announce. Also, I would love to hear feedback on which approach you picked for goal setting and how it worked for you.


Note: The perspective and views contained in this piece are solely those of Michelle Dray and do not represent those of her employer.

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© 2021 by Michelle Dray

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